I failed, and it sucks.

Listen to this blog on my podcast The Stories of How or watch on YouTube.

Countless colleagues and my Twitter Professional Learning Network (PLN) seem to talk a lot about failures. However, I still feel like we do not share our failures enough and how we felt as we failed. Prior to this past week, I don't think I've ever had a big enough failure that sent me into anger, frustration, and a point of wanting to give up. But this week, oh man, I have failure worthy to discuss.

Before we dive deep into my failure, I'm loving the book Teach Better by four amazing educators Rae Hughart, Tiffany Ott, Jeff Gargas, and Chad Ostrowski. You have to start reading their book. Quick, easy, and applicable! You can also listen to my podcast where I was able to hear all four of their personal stories. Amazing. Click on the image below to listen in.

One thing the Teach Better Team all touched on in their book Teach Better and on my podcast, was a failure or a moment of realization. I loved their vulnerability in sharing these stories. It made me feel less alone.

The most recent idea that came from my podcast interviews and the book Teach Better, was Chad Ostrowski's 'The Grid Method'. If you want to learn more about this, listen to Chad's podcast episode above or visit teachbetteracadmey.com. It took me a few weeks to wrap my head around how this could work during my math block with a kindergarten class. I didn't want to go back to math stations because I have seen those quickly change to busy work. I knew I wasn't reaching and challenging every student, and this bugged me. I knew there was a better way, I just hadn't found it yet.

After processing through a Kindergarten version of the Grid Method and diving in, I finally developed a plan I thought would work. I used our Learning Management System, Canvas, and created modules. Think of a module as a path each student worked through, independently, using technology. Each module worked off of a depths of knowledge (DOK) level and helped to build our foundational knowledge, which they would need in order to work through each module.

I did a check-in with each student as they completed each module, and track where they are in their learning. I had this grand vision of having 30-45 minutes to work with individual students or small groups. I dreamt of a beautiful buzz of learning, working, and enjoyment. Reality though was quite the opposite.

When I launched this, I knew it would take some time for my students' to learn the in's and out's of how to get to the module, how to turn in a response/work on Canvas, how to check-in, how to follow my video directions, and who to go to for questions. Well, we are still in this stage.

For the last two weeks, I have had a line of students by my desk, ready to check-in, asking where to click, how to submit their work/response, etc. It's been exhausting and frustrating. Not frustrating with my kids, but frustrating that I spent all this time creating these, and it's not working how I planned. I was able to work with a few students on their specific needs, but not even close to how many students I thought I could work with.

As I've been processing through the past 2 weeks, I am realizing that I may just need to give it more time. My students are in fact five or six years old, and are clearly showing that they need more guidance from me. I also did a very quick informal check-in to see how my students were liking these Canvas modules. Only about half either really enjoyed or somewhat enjoyed it. What?! How could they not all love it?!

This may not seem like a huge failure to you. But I was sure this was going to solve all my problems. I was sure that this "method" would help me meet every student's needs better. I was sure this was going to solve my "it's 2:00pm and my students are done for the day," problem. I was sure this would push and challenge my students who needed a little more. I was certain I could help other teachers implement this in their classrooms and see success. But sadly, it has not.

Just like this quote above says, it's not the failure that defeats me, it's the fear of this not working. If this ends up not working, that means I'm back to square one. I'm back to the drawing board, thinking up the next best thing to solve my problems.

Maybe I do need to move on from these Canvas modules. Maybe I need to give it more time. Whatever the answer is, I am still searching for it. I am still trying to figure out how I can best serve all my students.

That's not a bad place to be, right? This will be a small moment in time that is part of my future success. My future success in figuring out what works best for my students.

What do you need to try and change to best serve ALL your students? Will you fail? Most likely. Will you and your students be better for it? Definitely.