Busyness: Confirmation and Conviction

Most know by now that I took a career exploration leave to slow down and intentionally invest more in my family. I have said from the start that it is a privilege for me to do this, and I do not take that lightly. I am so grateful God allowed this year for my family to find space, rest, and intentionality.

As this "year off" ends, I am left with what feels like an impossible decision, to what is next. Honestly, it's been one of the hardest decisions to grapple with. I feel the pressure of helping to provide for our family, the possible loss of a community, leaving my comfort zone, the uneasiness of something new, and more. It is all overwhelming.

This past month, I've sat and pondered, wrote a pros and cons list, reached out to friends and family for guidance, prayed and prayed, and prayed, and nothing was clear. One week I would feel confident about a specific direction; the next week, I felt like a different choice was better. I was reminded of a decision I needed to make in my classroom a few years back. We were working on a project, and I needed to know our next steps. A past mentor and friend reminded me, "Why don't you ask the kids?" At that moment and currently, it was like an epiphany. Why would I NOT ask my boys their thoughts on their schooling, how our year home went, our next steps, etc?

Asking my students their opinions and ideas reminded me of how many of our decisions and choices affect our kid’s lives. I already knew this, but it became more real this past week. My boys weren't ready to homeschool and slow down, but our decision to do that changed their year. My boys do not get the final say in our decisions, but I do want to hear their thoughts, and I value how they feel.

So as we were driving home, I asked my boys about school next year and our different options. My oldest immediately started crying. He did not want to go back to school all day, every day. Although he couldn't verbalize it, I felt a tremendous sense that he did not want to return to that busyness. The grind, the rushing, the distractions. At that moment, I knew my decision. God answered my desperate prayer, just days before I needed to finalize my decision.

That's just one confirmation I got. As we sat down for church a few days later, our worship pastor began to share his message on the busyness filter. His message is part of a series on the different filters we use. Now, I am not promoting my church or our worship pastor, Brad; although both are amazing, this message was so eye-opening and convicting that I couldn't keep it to myself. The way God spoke through Brad was beautiful. It was a message God knew we all needed to hear and be reminded of. It was a message my family needed. A reminder of how many distractions we face minute to minute. On a practical level, Jonathan and I are committing to plugging in our phones and putting them away after dinner each night. Hold us accountable! Here are a few words Brad shared that struck me.

"Busyness is not just from the devil, it is the devil." - Carl Jung

"In 2000, humans had an attention span of 12 seconds. 15 years later, research shows that our attention span dropped to 8 seconds. For context, an average attention span of a goldfish is 9 seconds."

"In 2016, a research company discovered that the average smartphone user interacts with their phone 2,617 times per day."

"Hurry and love are oil and water; they do not mix." - John Mark Comer

If you want to listen to the whole message, which I encourage you to do, click here.

Before Brad and his family moved to Fishers, IN, someone shared that people in Fishers are just busy. Wow. That was like a punch to the gut. Who wants to be known for being busy?

At that moment, I knew my decision was confirmed, yet again. I cannot throw my family back into that cycle of busyness. Now, I know I can easily slip back into this cycle at any minute, but I feel more confident after this year off that we can find a healthy balance of work, school, and rest. But please check on me and hold me accountable mid-September. I cannot allow myself or my family to return to comfort just for the paycheck, and time I don't get paid for, time away from my family, and emotional and mental exhaustion. Today felt like a final and beautiful culmination of the last month’s grappling.

As I wrap up my processing of the last few days, I wanted to share that I will not return to my current school district to teach kindergarten. It is bittersweet to say goodbye to this chapter that shaped me into an educator, but I am excited about what lies ahead and hope to finalize more details soon.